Fans of FromSoftware have spent the past two years chanting the name “Elden Ring” over and over in front of a mirror, and it has finally paid off today. The highly anticipated collaboration between the creators of Dark Souls and Game of Thrones author George RR Martin has reappeared from the Abyss during today’s Summer Games Fest. We were treated to a flashy new trailer that showed off tons of gameplay, a mouth-watering storyline foreshadowing, not to mention a firm release date.

I am delighted to play it too, although I am not what I consider a FromSoftware “expert”. Sure, I beat Bloodborne and played Demon’s Souls, Dark Souls, and Sekiro a few times (not finished, mind you), but I couldn’t tell you anything about the lore or history of these games. That obviously makes me the perfect person to break down this trailer almost scene by scene. Take advantage of my mainstream style thoughts and reactions to Elden Ring’s latest gameplay screening, and I apologize in advance for what you’re about to read.

Holy shit, that must be Elden Ring! No other game could have a horse sniffing a knight’s hand.


Fucking your stupid books, George. This is where you are needed the most.

This tree is huge! And it shines! That probably means it’s important. Is it Yggdrasil? Wouldn’t that be weird? It could perform the same vital function. I’ll call it Yggdrasil 2.

Shots like this clearly suggest a much larger open world, perhaps bigger than any previous title from From Software. I am on board.

This giant bell means that this creature would perform poorly in stealth situations. What if it’s someone’s pet? People sometimes attach bells to their cats to watch them. Before you laugh, would that honestly be weirder than some of the other things in this trailer?

Do you see this castle? You can probably get on it. And maybe the one behind it too.

Wow, that’s pretty fucked up. But I wonder if you’ll come across such free-roaming carts in the Red Dead Redemption or is this a scripted moment? And what kind of villain gets monstrosities like these to shoot them?

FromSoftware finally made pots I do not want to roll in.

Here is the first of several disturbing enemies that make me want to kill him with fire ASAP. Also notice how he wears a crown. He’s not the last enemy in the trailer to rock this look. Hmm …

I will refrain from making a lightsaber joke here. I am much too classy for such a low fruit. Is this a one-off attack or can players summon this energized sword whenever they want?

We saw the protagonist summon his horse at will earlier in the trailer. While this feature isn’t new, what’s exciting is the way the player walked through a blue portal that propelled him and his horse up a steep cliff. Besides providing the perfect motivational poster image, it looks very handy for getting around.

Okay, it’s officially a Souls game now.

If you thought you were done fighting werewolves after Resident Evil Village, Elden Ring says “not so fast”. Either that or Sif has completed his transformation from a simple “dog with a sword” to a full-fledged swordsman.

The protagonist summoned this blue specter with a big cube, so it looks like you can call on allies again. Whether they are just NPCs or human players remains to be seen.

The only thing worse than fighting a terrifying (albeit magnificent) dragon …

… fight a dragon that can catch lightning like Zeus and attack you with it!

I nicknamed this cool looking foe “Panther Paladin”. I love his vibe and can’t wait to die for him over and over again.

We have seen this mysterious warrior in previous footage and it turns out that this is no joke. Is she friend or foe?

This moron is the third or so character to call the player “tarnished,” which he considers an insult. Soul expert Dan Tack passed me a cheat sheet from beyond the grave (he’s on vacation) saying he thinks the term is similar to the title of Ashen One in Dark Souls III. What do you think?

This is exactly what a Cuphead sequel by FromSoftware would look like.

To anyone’s surprise, Elden Ring appears to have quite a few building-sized opponents.

The new Cainhurst Castle? What’s with all the ethereal wisps surrounding it?

Good to know that you can still play a mage, or at the very least perform magic attacks, in Elden Ring.

This ghostly deer is cool and all, but check out those Wolverine claws on the player!

This dignified woman sits royally on a throne and is flanked by a threatening knight. They are probably not important.

This bookworm is doing the same thing all of us: telling all the fan theories about what’s going on in Elden Ring.

Yeah, that giant hand monster is a big bunch of “No’s”.

What’s up with the creepy giant hand creatures? And why is he naked? Is the hand trying to cover it? I can live with that, actually.

Wait a sec … this is the guy standing next to the probably-not-important lady! It’s a big problem ! And he is angry with me for suggesting otherwise!

What do you think of this wacky Elden Ring trailer? Hit me with your probably more educated analysis in the comments!

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